Creating Zelda Zoom, the Klutz

Hello and welcome back to my character-creation marathon. This week we’re going to create a Klutz, a seemingly regular woman who happens to actually be a very small Giant (who still breaks things as easily as a normal-sized Giant, because the world is unfair like that). Now, I feel like my offerings so far have been a little pedestrian – a timid nerd Creep and a skeevy lawyer Jerkass is honestly playing it very close to type. The two-fisted occult investigator Hoarder was a little better, but still… let’s try to do something different with our Klutz than “well-meaning guy who keeps knocking things over.”

So here’s my idea: instead of being awkward and ungainly, this character actually breaks a lot of things by accident precisely because she’s always rushing around and indulging her need for speed. She loves fast cars, and she considers speed limits to be timid suggestions at best. Let’s call her Zelda Zoom.

Driving, in Monstrous Mishaps, is handled by an Ability called Joyriding. Joyriding is a Derived Ability – you don’t put points in it, you calculate it as the average of two other, Primary Abilities, in this case Fitness (for the reflexes and sheer ruggedness required to operate high-powered vehicles) and Nerdery (for knowing how an engine works). Thus, we’ll start Zelda off with Basic (4) Fitness and Basic (4) Nerdery so she can stay on the road at least some of the time.

Continuing with the theme of a woman who’d fit right into Mad Max, we’ll give her Limited (3) Camping, and of course she’ll need Limited (3) Grit to dare to push the pedal to the metal. We’ll round it out with Limited (2) Keenness to look where she’s going (when she remembers) and Limited (2) Paperpushing to fill out all those insurance forms.

I figure that Zelda was darting around on her tricycle as soon as she was old enough to stand, so we’ll give her Metabolism of a Hummingbird for childhood. In school, she was actually kind of popular as a tough biker chick (a Cool Kid), and these days she’s a mechanic (a Technical Type) to be close to the beautiful engines. That bumps her Nerdery and Fitness up to Basic (5) and her Schmoozing up to Limited (2). Finally, her Breed Abilities as a Klutz are Nerdery and Fitness, so they get further increased to Basic (6).

For Dooms, we’ll take Basic (4) Titan’s Prowess – Zelda will need the Made of Iron Basic power from that Doom to give herself some extra resilience for all those crashes. That means that she has Basic (4) Pretension, meaning a solid amount of respect from her fellow Monsters, but Limited (2) Respectability since the repair bills are really doing a number on her bank account.

For Values, we’ll give her Excellence (she does so love a good race!) and Innovation (you can’t know that this shortcut doesn’t work until you’ve tried it…). All in all, Zelda ends up looking like this:

ZELDA ZOOM

Breed: Klutz

Childhood: Metabolism of a Hummingbird
Adolescence: Cool Kid
Adulthood: Technical Type

Values: Excellence, Innovation

Primary Abilities: Minimal (1) Asskicking, Limited (3) Camping, Minimal (1) Dramatics, Basic (6) Fitness, Limited (3) Grit, Minimal (1) Hiding, Limited (2) Keenness, Minimal (1) Mindgames, Basic (6) Nerdery, Limited (2) Paperpushing, Limited (2) Schmoozing, Minimal (1) Weirdness

Derived Abilities: Minimal (1) Bullshitting, Basic (4) E-Skills, Minimal (1) Hocuspocus, Limited (3) Intrusion, Basic (6) Joyriding, Minimal (1) Lawyering, Basic (4) Quackery, Minimal (1) Rumours, Minimal (1) Trickery, Minimal (1) Understanding, Limited (3) Volume, Limited (3) X-Tremeness

Special Abilities: Limited (3) Maze, Basic (4) Monstrosity, Basic (4) Pretension, Limited (2) Respectability

Dooms: Basic (4) Titan’s Prowess

Pools: HP 8, GP 8, SP 7, BP 2, FP 4

For Zelda’s first Friend, we’ll create someone who’s equally invested in speed and vigour, though in her case it translates into a fanatical devotion to the local woman’s curling team. Call her Olive Oatley. We’ll give her the Sportsfan Stereotype, the Out to Get Me Problem (the fans of rival teams don’t appreciate her heckling) and the Crackpot Discord (… nor does much of anyone appreciate her sacrificing black hens on the curling court to ensure home team victory).

ZELDA’S FRIEND #1: OLIVE OATLEY

Zelda and Olive met on the curling team in high school and immediately hit it off. However, while Zelda likes the sport, for Olive it’s an all-consuming passion, and she’s in a state of holy war with anyone rooting for any team but the one she coaches. As many people whose happiness is tied up with something they have no reasonable way of controlling, Olive also holds to a startling number of private superstitions (that have little to nothing to do with the sort of magic that actually does exist in Monster World).

Stereotype: Sportsfan
Problem: Out to Get Me
Discord: Crackpot

Values: Excellence, Innovation, Justice

Primary Abilities: Basic (5) Asskicking, Limited (3) Camping, Minimal (1) Dramatics, Basic (4) Fitness, Minimal (1) Grit, Basic (4) Hiding, Minimal (1) Keenness, Minimal (1) Mindgames, Minimal (1) Nerdery, Limited (2 Paperpushing, Minimal (1) Schmoozing, Limited (3) Weirdness

Derived Abilities: Minimal (1) Bullshitting, Minimal (1) E-Skills, Limited (2) Hocuspocus, Limited (2) Intrusion, Limited (2) Joyriding, Minimal (1) Lawyering, Limited (2) Quackery, Minimal (1) Rumours, Limited (2) Trickery, Minimal (1) Understanding, Limited (2) Volume, Basic (4) X-Tremeness

Special Abilities: Basic (4) Respectability

Pools: HP 9, GP 1, SP 5, BP 4

For Zelda’s second Friend, let’s shake things up a little and make him a fellow Monsters… and for that matter, let’s make him Zelda’s love interest. Friends aren’t necessarily platonic, after all – they can be significant others or even family members, the important thing is that the character wants to stay on good terms with them and that that is sometimes difficult.

We’ll call Zelda’s fellah Gabe Gawdhelpme and make him a Pushover – that is to say, a Werewolf, but one with a tendency to be super-timid and over-eager to please. Let’s give him the Romantic Stereotype, and the Bullied Discord and the The Ball and Chain Discord to represent the troubles the happy couple are facing.

ZELDA’S FRIEND #2: GABE GAWDHELPME

Gabe is Zelda’s on-again, off-again boyfriend. The reason for their rocky path has less to do with Gabe’s personality, which is agreeable to a fault, than with his mother, Gladys Gawdhelpme, and her intense resistance to Gabe doing anything but taking care of her in her old age. Gabe, desperately eager to please both his mother and his girlfriend, keeps drifting out of Zelda’s orbit whenever his mother is especially demanding, only to come slinking back when he spots an opening.

Stereotype: Romantic
Problem: Bullied
Discord: The Ball and Chain

Breed: Pushover

Values: Community, Tradition, Justice

Primary Abilities: Minimal (1) Asskicking, Limited (2) Camping, Limited (3) Dramatics, Basic (4) Fitness, Minimal (1) Grit, Limited (3) Hiding, Limited (2) Keenness, Limited (3) Mindgames, Minimal (1) Nerdery, Limited (2) Paperpushing, Basic (6) Schmoozing, Minimal (1) Weirdness

Derived Abilities: Basic (4) Bullshitting, Minimal (1) E-Skills, Limited (2) Hocuspocus, Limited (2) Intrusion, Limited (2) Joyriding, Limited (2) Lawyering, Minimal (1) Quackery, Limited (2) Rumours, Limited (3) Trickery, Limited (2) Understanding, Limited (3) Volume, Limited (2) X-Tremeness

Special Abilities: Limited (3) Maze, Limited (3) Monstrosity, Limited (3) Pretension, Basic (4) Respectability

Dooms: Minimal (1) Ancient’s Wisdom, Minimal (1) Varg’s Ferocity, Minimal (1) Titan’s Prowess

Pools: HP 7, GP 1, SP 5, BP 4, FP 3

Since one of Zelda’s Friends is a Monster, let’s further break with standard practice and make her Rival a standard vanilla human. We haven’t used the Parasite Approach or the Familial Feud yet, so let’s go with those, and add the Good Times Redemption for some residual feelings of kinship.

ZELDA’S RIVAL: ZACHARY ZOOM

Zelda’s lazy good-for-nothing brother doesn’t hold any animosity for her, honestly. It’s just that her frequent car crashes and similar disasters is all that distracts their parents – of whom he is dependent for his standard of living – from his disasters. As such, he is all too happy to bring attention to whatever Zelda has done wrong this time, all to get himself another few months of respite.

Approach: Parasite
Feud: Familial
Redemption: Good Times

Values: Harmony, Egalitarianism

Primary Abilities: Minimal (1) Asskicking, Limited (2) Camping, Limited (2) Dramatics, Minimal (1) Fitness, Minimal (1) Grit, Limited (3) Hiding, Basic (4) Keenness, Basic (6) Mindgames, Minimal (1) Nerdery, Minimal (1) Paperpushing, Basic (4) Schmoozing, Minimal (1) Weirdness

Derived Abilities: Basic (5) Bullshitting, Minimal (1) E-Skills, Minimal (1) Hocuspocus, Limited (2) Intrusion, Minimal (1) Joyriding, Minimal (1) Lawyering, Minimal (1) Quackery, Limited (3) Rumours, Limited (2) Trickery, Basic (5) Understanding, Minimal (1) Volume, Minimal (1) X-Tremeness

Special Abilities: Basic (6) Respectability

Pools: HP 6, GP 1, SP 2, BP 6

Finally, for an Enemy, we won’t do anything fancy. Reversing Zelda’s stats gives us a characters who’s big on keeping her eyes on stuff (since Keenness is opposed to Fitness, one of Zelda’s strong suits), so let’s go with that and give our speed demon a stern, finger-wagging disapprover: a Muckraker, which is a sort of Slayer who’s a natural moral guardian and busybody.

ZELDA’S ENEMY: EDITH CLEBB

Senior citizen Edith lives down the street from Zelda and was Called as a Slayer after being woken up from her midday nap by screeching tires one time too many. Now she’s determined to warn the entire neighbourhood about how this maniac is endangering their children and pets. Which… is perfectly fair, to be honest. Hey, Slayers are the antagonists of the game, but that doesn’t mean they’re always wrong…

Legend: Muckraker

Values: Egalitarianism, Community

Primary Abilities: Limited (2) Asskicking, Limited (2) Camping, Minimal (1) Dramatics, Limited (2) Fitness, Minimal (1) Grit, Minimal (1) Hiding, Minimal (1) Keenness, Limited (3) Mindgames, Minimal (1) Nerdery, Limited (3) Paperpushing, Minimal (1) Schmoozing, Basic (6) Weirdness

Derived Abilities: Limited (2) Bullshitting, Minimal (1) E-Skills, Limited (3) Hocuspocus, Minimal (1) Intrusion, Minimal (1) Joyriding, Limited (2) Lawyering, Minimal (1) Quackery, Limited (3) Rumours, Minimal (1) Trickery, Limited (2) Understanding, Minimal (1) Volume, Limited (2) X-Tremeness

Special Abilities: Basic (5) Calling, Basic (5) Respectability

Pools: HP 7, GP 1, SP 3, BP 5

So that’s it! We’re two thirds of the way through now, leaving only our Moocher (commonly known as a Vampire) and our Loudmouth (politely identified as a Harpy). We’ll do the latter next – I think I’m going to make him the world’s biggest, meanest nurse…