Welcome back to my efforts to create pregens for the quickstart adventure of my upcoming game, Monstrous Mishaps! This week, we will be creating a Jerkass, also known as a Demon – a creature of the nethermost pit, or at least someone who has a major stick up his own nethers. We’ll call him Joachim Yapper.
Being a Demon, it seems natural to make Joachim a lawyer (demons frequently work as lawyers in fiction, I can’t imagine why). I imagine him as someone who is very ligation-happy and caters to a clientele to match. In other words, he’ll sue ya! He’ll take all yo money! He’ll sue ya! If ya even look at him funny!
Being a lawyer, Joachin of course needs Basic (4) Paperpushing (to know all the interesting legal loopholes) and Basic (4) Dramatics (to engage in courtroom theatrics in best Ally McBeal tradition). He’ll also need a strong will and at least some people skills to win arguments, so let’s give him Limited (3) Grit and Schmoozing. Finally, we’ll give him Limited (2) Mindgames to be a better liar, and Limited (2) Asskicking to defend himself against irate defendants. Being a Demon bumps his Paperpushing up to Basic (5) – they’re good at writing watertight contracts – and his Weirdness up to Limited (2).
I figure that Joachim learned at an early age that he could get most anything if he just yelled loudly enough, so he’s got the Tantrum Thrower childhood. In school that strategy didn’t work out so well but made him a Bully Victim, and of course these days he’s an lawyer, which counts as a sort of Bureaucrat. That puts his Dramatics up to Basic (5), his Hiding up to Limited (2), and his Paperpushing up to Basic (6).
Joachim is nothing if not hard-working, even if the things he’s working at are less than admirable, so he’s got the Value of Stoicism. He’s also mentally flexible and admire ambition, so he has Innovation. Finally, he’s actually devoted to the idea of people getting what’s coming to them – it’s just that his idea of what they’ve got coming to them depends mostly on whether they annoy him or not. He’s thus got the Justice Value.
Being a well-educated professional, however skeevy, he should probably have a decent amount of Respectability, and I don’t think he actually depends that much on magic – he works within the system, such as it is. Thus, we’ll just give him the bare minimum of Minimal (1) Devil’s Craft, which gives him Minimal (1) Pretension and Basic (5) Respectability.
Joachim’s final stats turn out as such:
JOACHIM YAPPER
Breed: Jerkass
Childhood: Tantrum Thrower
Adolescence: Bully Victim
Adulthood: BureaucratValues: Stoicism, Innovation, Justice
Primary Abilities: Limited (2) Asskicking, Minimal (1) Camping, Basic (5) Dramatics, Minimal (1) Fitness, Limited (3) Grit, Limited (2) Hiding, Minimal (1) Keenness, Limited (2) Mindgames, Minimal (1) Nerdery, Basic (6) Paperpushing, Limited (3) Schmoozing, Limited (2) Weirdness
Derived Abilities: Limited (2) Bullshitting, Limited (2) E-Skills, Limited (3) Hocuspocus, Minimal (1) Intrusion, Minimal (1) Joyriding, Basic (5) Lawyering, Minimal (1) Quackery, Basic (4) Rumours, Limited (3) Trickery, Minimal (1) Understanding, Limited (3) Volume, Minimal (1) X-Tremeness
Special Abilities: Limited (3) Maze, Minimal (1) Monstrosity, Minimal (1) Pretension, Basic (5) Respectability
Dooms: Minimal (1) Devil’s Craft
Pools: HP 6, GP 8, SP 2, BP 5, FP 1
For Joachim’s first Friend, I feel like I want to create his complete opposite. So let’s maker her a nun, why not? I’ll give her the Stereotype of Goodie-Two-Shoes, the Problem of One Born Every Minute (the downside of seeing the good in everyone being that sometimes you see it even if it isn’t there…) and the Discord of Religion and Politics.
JOACHIM’S FRIEND #1: SISTER AGNETA
A nun at the local convent, Sister Agneta has seized upon Joachim and determined to save his sinful soul, much to the annoyance of Joachim, who likes his sinful soul the way it is. However, he can’t entirely deny that it’s a strange and not-unpleasant sensation to have someone think well of him, even if Sister Agneta tends to think well of anyone and everyone, including convicted axe murderers. Joachim spends surprising effort on the twin tasks of not disappointing Agneta too much, and keeping her from being taken in by someone who’s an even more unscrupulous bastard than he is.
Stereotype: Goodie-Two-Shoes
Problem: One Born Every Minute
Discord: Religion and PoliticsValues: Harmony, Egalitarianism, Justice
Primary Abilities: Minimal (1) Asskicking, Limited (3) Camping, Minimal (1) Dramatics, Minimal (1) Fitness, Limited (2) Grit, Limited (3) Hiding, Limited (3) Keenness, Minimal (1) Mindgames, Limited (3) Nerdery, Limited (3) Paperpushing, Basic (4) Schmoozing, Limited (2) Weirdness
Derived Abilities: Limited (2) Bullshitting, Limited (2) E-Skills, Minimal (1) Hocuspocus, Limited (3) Intrusion, Limited (2) Joyriding, Limited (2) Lawyering, Limited (3) Quackery, Limited (2) Rumours, Limited (2) Trickery, Limited (2) Understanding, Minimal (1) Volume, Minimal (1) X-Tremeness
Special Abilities: Limited (3) Respectability
Pools: HP 6, GP 1, SP 2, BP 3
For the second Friend, let’s go to the other extreme and create someone who’s so skuzzy that even Joachim feels the need to reign him in sometimes. We’ll go all out with the Stereotype of Cynic, the Problem of Despised, and the Discord of Unwholesome Habits.
JOACHIM’S FRIEND #2: HERB BITTERMAN
One of Joachim’s frequent clients, Herb has long since given up on being the least bit respectable or liked, which makes him one of the few people who’ll hang out with Joachim voluntarily. Even so, Herb’s determination to commit every misdemeanour and petty felony in the book can conflict with Joachim’s admittedly-self-serving sense of justice. Still, it does mean that he keeps being in the market for a cheap public defender.
Stereotype: Cynic
Problem: Despised
Discord: Unwholesome Habits
Values: Egalitarianism, Utilitarianism
Primary Abilities: Basic (4) Asskicking, Limited (3) Camping, Minimal (1) Dramatics, Minimal (1) Fitness, Minimal (1) Grit, Basic (4) Hiding, Basic (4) Keenness, Limited (3) Mindgames, Limited (3) Nerdery, Minimal (1) Paperpushing, Minimal (1) Schmoozing, Minimal (1) Weirdness
Derived Abilities: Limited (2) Bullshitting, Limited (2) E-Skills, Minimal (1) Hocuspocus, Limited (3) Intrusion, Limited (2) Joyriding, Minimal (1) Lawyering, Limited (3) Quackery, Limited (2) Rumours, Limited (2) Trickery, Limited (2) Understanding, Minimal (1) Volume, Limited (2) X-Tremeness
Special Abilities: Minimal (1) Respectability
Pools: HP 7, GP 1, SP 2, BP 1
For a Rival, let’s create a competing attorney who’s the opposite of Joachim’s free-wheeling approach to the law, someone who’s so dry that he crackles when he turns around too quickly. We’ll give him the Approach of Spoilsport, the Feud of Professional, and the Redemption of Professionalism (though it’s less than obvious that Joachim himself sees that as any sort of redeeming feature!).
JOACHIM’S RIVAL: BONEFATIUS HARRIS
Joachim’s greatest professional adversary, Bonefatius works for the rival law firm of DeSieve, Connive, Bamm-Boozle & Harris. Frequently hired by the more upscale people who Joachim’s clients hire him to sue, he has made it his life’s mission to tangle Joachim up in as many obscure bylaws and precedents as possible – whatever it takes to slow down his antics.
Approach: Spoilsport
Feud: Professional
Redemption: ProfessionalismBreed: Grouch
Values: Stoicism
Primary Abilities: Minimal (1) Asskicking, Minimal (1) Camping, Minimal (1) Dramatics, Minimal (1) Fitness, Basic (5) Grit, Limited (3) Hiding, Basic (5) Keenness, Minimal (1) Mindgames, Limited (2) Nerdery, Basic (6) Paperpushing, Minimal (1) Schmoozing, Limited (2) Weirdness
Derived Abilities: Minimal (1) Bullshitting, Limited (3) E-Skills, Minimal (1) Hocuspocus, Limited (2) Intrusion, Minimal (1) Joyriding, Limited (3) Lawyering, Minimal (1) Quackery, Limited (3) Rumours, Limited (2) Trickery, Limited (3) Understanding, Minimal (1) Volume, Minimal (1) X-Tremeness
Special Abilities: Limited (3) Maze, Limited (3) Monstrosity, Limited (3) Pretension, Limited (3) Respectability
Dooms: Minimal (1) Ancient’s Wisdom, Minimal (1) Devil’s Craft, Minimal (1) Wyrm’s Discernment
Pools: HP 6, GP 2, SP 2, BP 3, FP 3
And finally, as usual we turn Joachim’s stats inside-out to get our Enemy. Given Joachim’s leanings, I think the only proper Legend for his arch-enemy is that of Lout – a Conan Barbarian wannabe who despises the civilised trappings that Joachim is shamelessly exploiting.
JOACHIM’S ENEMY: SIEGWARD TROUT
A few years ago, Joachim sued local gentleman-about-town Siegward for scowling at his dinner, thus causing untold anguish to the cook. The shameless display of jury manipulation and disregard for the spirit of the law so infuriated Siegward that he was Called as a Slayer and has since then devoted himself to bringing down Joachim’s evil empire (or at least his struggling one-man law firm). Distrusting all that is legal or bureaucratic, he lives alone in his crumbling house and has been known to fly into a rage at the sight of people bearing papers, which has not made him popular with the mailman.
Legend: Lout
Values: Harmony, Tradition, Utilitarianism
Primary Abilities: Limited (3) Asskicking, Minimal (1) Camping, Limited (2) Dramatics, Minimal (1) Fitness, Limited (2) Grit, Basic (5) Hiding, Minimal (1) Keenness, Limited (3) Mindgames, Minimal (1) Nerdery, Minimal (1) Paperpushing, Limited (2) Schmoozing, Minimal (1) Weirdness
Derived Abilities: Limited (2) Bullshitting, Minimal (1) E-Skills, Minimal (1) Hocuspocus, Limited (3) Intrusion, Minimal (1) Joyriding, Minimal (1) Lawyering, Minimal (1) Quackery, Limited (2) Rumours, Limited (3) Trickery, Limited (2) Understanding, Minimal (1) Volume, Limited (2) X-Tremeness
Special Abilities: Basic (4) Calling, Basic (6) Respectability
Pools: HP 6 (+4 from Calling), GP 1, SP 2 (+4 from Calling), BP 6
So, that brings us midway through our character-creation marathon. I should probably start thinking about how the remaining characters can fill out holes in the roster. So far, we’ve got a timid geek, an over-zealous occult investigator, and a fiendish lawyer. Next time, we’ll be creating the Klutz, the character who’ll normally serve the role of the big guy of the group. Let’s see if we can think of something interesting for them…
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